the buffet run
counting until one of them lands a punch
One hot blonde. Every Chinese buffet he can reach. Measured to a standard no buffet asked for, and the run holds until one of them finally lands a punch. Follow along at @mullet_review.
Made by fans, with no connection to the channel. Every figure here comes from videos he published himself — what he said, what he scored, what he told us he paid. Nothing is guessed; where we could not source something, the page says so. The joke is the rigor, not the man.
Not affiliated, not monetised, no ads. If he would rather this did not exist, it comes down.
may 20. a buffet in milford, ohio.
the start of it all without even knowing it.
“this is day two trying every chinese buffet i can
until i get food poisoning.”
— the vow, one week later. he called it day two.
78 buffets later, the record.
78 buffet visits counted. 465 other posts (Q&A, non-buffet episodes, the pre-run Ponderosa time-travel bit) are logged but excluded from every figure above.
the denominators
different measurements have different evidence, so different sections run on different clocks. stated once, plainly: 78 visits on the record · his own count runs to day 75 (3 visits he never numbered) · 72 carry both his score and yelp’s · 63 carry a receipt · and the calendar clock started 94 days ago. when two figures differ, they are counting different things, and each section says which.
the delta wing
one man calibrating himself against the collective judgment of america — measured on the 72 of 78 visits where both his score and yelp’s exist. the diagonal is agreement; 13 visits land on it exactly. mean delta -0.04★ — he is harsher than yelp, on average.
generosity drift: -0.10★ per ten visits — the run is hardening him.
the survival desk
two clocks, for the record: the safety board upstairs counts 94 calendar days since the first buffet; this desk counts 78 buffets survived. both are zero incidents. the clock was audited once: on day three he says the clock has to go back to day one, which had the department briefly reviewing whether an incident had gone unrecorded. it had not — the captain ruled the line a bit, and his own numbering never restarted, which is the tell. the streak stands unbroken from the first buffet. risk disclosure, in the style required of public companies: past performance of 78 buffets does not guarantee future digestion. forward-looking statements about egg rolls involve known and unknown risks. the department maintains its estimate of 1.3% per visit and updates it every time he survives another one.
the value frontier
a buffet is efficient when nothing on the record is both cheaper and better. the gold stair is that frontier — 9 of the 63 visits carrying a receipt sit on it. everything below the stair paid a dominance tax.
the spurious correlation shrine
offerings computed with full statistical dress and zero causal standing. the shrine exists because the numbers were there and refusing to look felt cowardly. every plaque states its sin.
the attendance record
every square a day since it began. longest unbroken streak: 14 days of consecutive buffet attendance — a devotional cadence.
red squares are double-headers — two buffets, one day, no explanation offered or required.
field map
every buffet he has visited, one pin each. pins land in visit order when the map comes into view — and where back-to-back days chain across towns, the road he actually drove is drawn between them. nothing is invented between trips.
cost control chart — what each visit cost
mean $33.44 · σ $5.80 · limits at ±3σ. a point outside the limits is a special-cause buffet.
palate calibration — his stars vs yelp
above the line, he was kinder than the internet was. average difference: -0.04 stars vs Yelp.
process capability
treating dinner as a process with a $30 ceiling. every figure names the sample it came from; anything computed on too little is left blank rather than guessed.
cumulative spend
what the run has cost, visit by visit.
the projection desk
at the run’s own pace — $22.41 a day across 94 days — he crosses $2,250 around August 28, and visit 100 lands around September 17. prices are known for 63 of 78 visits, so the dollar figure is a floor and the true crossing comes sooner. a projection is the pace talking, not a promise.
is he softening?
each visit’s score against his running average. a rising line means the buffets are winning him over; a falling one means the opposite.
then and now
the first 39 visits against the latest 39, same measurements — so “has the run changed him” is a comparison rather than a feeling. each row averages only the visits that carry the reading.
how he scores
distribution of his ratings, half a star per bucket — and then there is the one that broke the scale.
day — at Golden Dragon Buffet & Grill, the only buffet ever measured on a scale of ten and still awarded sixty-nine. it keeps its five in every other figure on this page; this column exists because the five did not cover it.
value index — stars per dollar
his score divided by what it cost. the best and worst of the run.
the territory
by state
most-worked cities
the state files
one card per state, and only states with five or more visits get one — a state average of two dinners is an anecdote wearing a lab coat.
what a buffet is called
the naming conventions of the genre, counted across every venue he has visited. “buffet” and “grill” excluded — they are on nearly all of them.
what the watcher noticed on its own
this page does not wait to be told what to count. every hour it re-reads the corpus looking for anything that has crossed from a one-off into a habit — a phrase used twice, a dish that keeps reappearing, a bit he has started doing — and raises it here. nothing below was asked for in advance.
turns of phrase
- plate one3
- plate two3
- What's up boys2
- for that viewing pleasure dog2
things he keeps doing
- barefoot_in_bathroom4
- barefoot_floor_check2
dishes that keep coming back
- crab rangoon50
- sushi roll24
- macaroni and cheese17
- pizza13
- stuffed mushroom12
- lo mein10
- chicken wing7
- mac and cheese6
- hard boiled egg6
- french fries6
- egg roll5
- pepperoni pizza5
names for the rangoon
- crab rangoon38
- goon12
- triangle crab rangoon4
- triangle goons3
the running tally
consumption accumulating across the run. counted from what could be identified in the footage plus what he says out loud, so read every line as a floor — 65 of 78 episodes catalogued so far.
everything cream cheese turns up in
it is the through-line of the whole cuisine — inside the rangoon, inside the roll, on top of the mushroom.
what goes on the plate
every dish identifiable in the footage, named and sorted. counts come from named items rather than from watching his hands, so this is what could be seen clearly — read it as a floor, not a total. 65 episodes catalogued.
the spread
- fried23%
- meat19%
- seafood18%
- other11%
- noodle11%
- vegetable8%
- dessert7%
- rice1%
- soup1%
most-taken dishes
the tape
frames lifted from the episodes themselves while their audio was being measured. instagram's own image links expire within days; these were pulled once and kept. 201 stills from 76 visits.
the record book
a record is only interesting with a previous holder, so each one names what it took the title from. tap any venue to open its record.
- dearest bill$49.43took it from King Buffet at $41.00
- cheapest bill$22.36took it from Asian Buffet at $23.65
- his highest score5.0★took it from Jade Buffet at 3.0★
- his lowest score1.0★took it from Asian Buffet at 2.1★
- longest price pause12.94stook it from Dragon Buffet at 6s
- most he ever plated12 dishestook it from Asian Buffet at 11 dishes
- most talking100%took it from Ginza Buffet at 99.4%
- least talking42.1%took it from Supreme Buffet & Hibachi at 91.7%
the rhythm of the run
when he goes, and how long the buffets get between visits. median gap 1.0 days, with 7 double-headers on record.
- 9sun
- 12mon
- 13tue
- 11wed
- 12thu
- 11fri
- 10sat
the fortune desk
every slip he has read out loud. where a pause is shown it was measured off the waveform rather than estimated — 38 of 40 timed so far, averaging 3.2s of silence after the reading.
the lucky numbers
printed on the back of the slip, so this is a real sample of whatever a fortune-cookie printer considers lucky. 6 numbers off 1 slips, 6 of them distinct — and 2 are above 31, which no birthday can reach.
- 5
- 15
- 20
- 21
- 33
- 36
Tonight, you'll be in the spotlight
3.9s of silenceJuly's beauty will surround you, appreciate it.
4.1s of silenceDo unto others as you would have them do unto you.
5.5s of silenceYour Wednesday will be filled with exciting opportunities for adventure
11s of silenceA trip to a foreign country will broaden your perspective on life.
0.9s of silenceThis month you'll experience moments of deep insight.
0.5s of silenceYour resilience in the face of challenges will lead to unexpected opportunities.
5.8s of silenceInner peace is found within; it's a treasure worth seeking.
5.8s of silenceThere is a true and sincere friendship between you both.
3.5s of silenceYou will create a new recipe
4s of silenceSports are a testament to the power of teamwork, be a strong link in the chain.
4.8s of silenceForgive those who have wronged you for your own peace of mind
Let go of the past and embrace July's opportunities.
0.42s of silence · measuredHappiness isn't in having what you want but rather in wanting what you have.
2.01s of silence · measuredyour diligence in working hard will be your key to success.
9.5s of silenceYour talents will have a chance to shine
0.42s of silence · measured
where the day numbers come from
his day count is read from the first twenty seconds of each episode, never inferred from the ones around it — so if he ever repeats a number or skips one, you will see it here rather than have it quietly smoothed away.
no number has been claimed twice so far — the count runs clean from 1 upward.
every visit, one dot
the whole run at once — across is what he paid, up is what he gave it. dots that would land on each other are nudged apart rather than stacked, so a crowd reads as a crowd. 63 nights with both numbers. tap one to open it.
the verdicts
nothing on this page is measured less than what follows, and nothing on it is truer: these are his words, against the buffet that earned them. 246 lines on record.
I am not afraid of the pizza on the Chinese buffet.
drier than your grandma
Your health will improve in April.
This looks amazing.
That was the coldest french fry on earth.
And this one has 3.1 stars on Yelp.
Is that a whole ass seafood boil on the line? Are you serious?
I haven't been here since I took an ex-girlfriend for prom night.
I ain't seen one of those since the early 1900s.
I hate coming here. It's Tuesday and this motherfucker's packed.
Ain't no fucking way they got elote on the bar.
Dude, it looks like an Apple store in here.
That food about to hit.
This fence is nice, but where's the rest of it though?
the liturgy — how often he does the thing
share of episodes where each move appears. the denominator is the number of episodes where the question could be answered, printed beside every bar, because a percentage without one is just a vibe.
the pizza question: he asks where it is in 47 episodes, and the bar actually has it in 31 of 71 (44%). the rest of the time he asks anyway.
is he still inventing?
distinct constructions against everything he has said. a curve still climbing means he is still coining new material; a flattening one means he has settled into his own idiom. 392 constructions across 1000 utterances.
the newest additions
- where s the fucking pizza
- got some of that chinese spaghetti
- gotta get that chinese spaghetti
- gotta get some of that general toes baby
- got a 2 3 star buffet
- i think it deserves 3 8 stars
- 2 3 stars
- what s in the fortune cookie today boys
the sayings
not a checklist of phrases we went looking for — a search for those found almost nothing, because you cannot look up a turn of phrase nobody thought of. these were read out of the tape and then checked back against it word for word; anything that could not be found in the transcript was thrown away.
ranked by how many different visits carry a phrase, not how often it is said: repeating a line five times in one sitting is a mood, saying it once across five sittings is a habit. the near-identical forms have been folded together — i’m goonin’
and oh, we’re definitely goonin’ now, boys
are one saying wearing two coats — so the counts below are of the phrase, not the sentence.
the ones that stuck
what the camera saw
things nobody ever says out loud, so no transcript could ever hold them. read off the footage three times each and reported as the middle reading with its full spread, because one look at a video is an estimate wearing the clothes of a measurement. 47 episodes measured so far.
the candy machines
the coin-operated globes by the door. seen in 11 episodes, and in 6 of them the contents looked visibly old — faded wrappers, dust, sun-bleached shells. the machines are never mentioned and never restocked.
barefoot on camera
200 seconds across 42 episodes. whether the feet appear at all is settled — every pass agrees. how long they appear is not, so each figure carries the range the three readings actually produced. the honest version of this number is a band, not a decimal.
the swear jar
counted from the same verbatim transcripts as everything else, with word boundaries so “class” never becomes a swear and “hello” never becomes hell. 241 in total across 63 of 78 visits — about 0.76 per hundred words. 15 episodes are entirely clean.
the sweariest sitting: Umami Buffet — 10 in one episode, 3.3% of everything he said. across 66 scored visits the correlation between swearing and his rating is -0.15, which is close enough to nothing that the honest reading is: he swears at the good ones too.
the lexicon — what he actually says
every recurring turn of phrase, grouped by family. “said” counts each utterance; “episodes” counts the videos it turns up in.
the general
he says “general toes” — and here the ledger admits a truth about speech: “tso’s” and “toes” are the same sounds out loud, so no recording can say which one he meant. by captain’s ruling they are one utterance. the counts below are a floor: the dish shows up on 6 plates in the inventory, more often than he has been caught naming it.
the goon vocabulary, by construction
grouped by the phrase itself rather than by how it was typed that night — “goontown usa” alone turns up in 22 different spellings, and looked like nothing in every one of them.
the census
a goon logged is not a goon gooning. of 427 goons on the record, he declares himself actively gooning in 61 episodes and explicitly refuses to goon in 9. the rest is commentary.
the escalation
he builds it in stages: the plain form, then the intensifier, then the timing, then the address. each step is a subset of the one before it.
- goonin’
- definitely goonin’
- …now
- …boys
and he shares the credit: 67 in the first person against 63 as “we”.
the actuarial corner
the run holds until a buffet finally lands a punch, so the odds deserve stating. 78 inspections, zero incidents. by laplace’s rule of succession — the sunrise problem, applied to lo mein — each next buffet carries a 1.3% chance of being the one.
methodology, stated plainly: 78 sunrises prove little about food safety and everything about him. the estimate updates itself every time he survives another one.
plates, counted by him
he narrates the meal plate by plate, so the count comes from his own mouth rather than a guess. mean 1.72 across 53 episodes.
the rangoon nomenclature ledger
rangoon appearance rate: 88% of inspections · total consumed: 100. every name he has called them, with count. a ? marks a name heard only once that closely resembles another — it gets a second listen before it counts as a coinage.
- “crab rangoon”×38
- “goon”×12
- “triangle crab rangoon”×4
- “triangle goon”×3
- “cheese wonton”×2
- “crab meat wrap”×2
- “crab goond”?×1
- “crab rangoon flower”?×1
- “goonin”?×1
- “illicit dragoon”×1
- “rangoon”?×1
- “thick goon”×1
- “well done goon”×1
the price pause
the held beat between the number and who it fed. timed to the tenth.
his vocabulary
every word he says on camera, counted from the speaker-tagged transcripts — his voice only, never a companion’s. 78 episodes, 22,723 counted words in this table. “next video” is how often a word turns up per episode, which is the honest estimate of whether you’ll hear it again; “next five” is that chance landing five times running.
| word | said | episodes | next video | next five |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 buffet | 454 | 78 | 100% | certain |
| 2 it's | 299 | 73 | 94% | 72% |
| 3 i'm | 283 | 76 | 97% | 88% |
| 4 chinese | 213 | 77 | 99% | 94% |
| 5 that's | 199 | 66 | 85% | 43% |
| 6 look | 193 | 69 | 88% | 54% |
| 7 we're | 175 | 77 | 99% | 94% |
| 8 stars | 171 | 75 | 96% | 82% |
| 9 good | 169 | 66 | 85% | 43% |
| 10 don't | 155 | 57 | 73% | 21% |
| 11 gonna | 148 | 67 | 86% | 47% |
| 12 two | 142 | 67 | 86% | 47% |
| 13 these | 142 | 63 | 81% | 34% |
| 14 right | 136 | 61 | 78% | 29% |
| 15 pizza | 125 | 60 | 77% | 27% |
| 16 plate | 124 | 65 | 83% | 40% |
| 17 i've | 121 | 61 | 78% | 29% |
| 18 goonin' | 119 | 69 | 88% | 54% |
| 19 little | 117 | 58 | 74% | 23% |
| 20 mean | 108 | 57 | 73% | 21% |
the constants. 12 words have appeared in every single episode without exception: this, the, is, that, like, of, it, buffet, to, one, at, get. that buffet survives at a hundred percent is unremarkable; that like does is a fingerprint.
inspection log
tap a column to sort. tap again to flip it.
| #⇅ | his day⇅ | establishment⇅ | location⇅ | date▼ | his ★⇅ | yelp ★⇅ | Δ⇅ | paid⇅ | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 78 | 75 | China Buffet, 57th Southeast Street | Charleston, WV | Aug 22, 26 | — | — | — | — | post ↗ |
| 77 | 74 | Dragon Garden Buffet, 1453 | St Albans, WV | Aug 20, 26 | 4.0 | 3.4 | +0.6 | $28.35/2 | post ↗ |
| 76 | 73 | Eleanor, WV | Aug 19, 26 | 2.3 | 3.9 | -1.6 | $23.21/2 | post ↗ | |
| 75 | — | New Grand Buffet, 1220 | Chillicothe, OH | Aug 18, 26 | — | — | — | — | post ↗ |
| 74 | 72 | New Grand Buffet, 1220 | Chillicothe, OH | Aug 18, 26 | 3.8 | 3.3 | +0.5 | $26.79/2 | post ↗ |
| 73 | 71 | Old Town Buffet, 1216 | Bowling Green, OH | Aug 17, 26 | 2.3 | 3.2 | -0.9 | $32.00/2 | post ↗ |
| 72 | 70 | China City Buffet, Carronade Drive | Perrysburg, OH | Aug 16, 26 | 3.0 | 3.0 | +0.0 | $35.74/2 | post ↗ |
| 71 | 69 | Oregon, OH | Aug 15, 26 | 3.0 | 3.0 | +0.0 | $30.15/2 | post ↗ | |
| 70 | 68 | Toledo, OH | Aug 14, 26 | 3.0 | 3.7 | -0.7 | $25.84/2 | post ↗ | |
| 69 | 67 | Toledo, OH | Aug 13, 26 | 3.0 | 3.6 | -0.6 | $29.72/2 | post ↗ | |
| 68 | 66 | Toledo, OH | Aug 12, 26 | 4.2 | 3.6 | +0.6 | $25.84/2 | post ↗ | |
| 67 | 65 | Royal Buffet, Tiffin Avenue | Findlay, OH | Aug 11, 26 | 2.6 | 2.6 | +0.0 | $32.32/2 | post ↗ |
| 66 | 64 | Lima, OH | Aug 10, 26 | 1.0 | 2.5 | -1.5 | $31.00/2 | post ↗ | |
| 65 | 63 | Sydney, OH | Aug 9, 26 | 4.0 | 3.6 | +0.4 | $24.67/2 | post ↗ | |
| 64 | 62 | Troy, OH | Aug 8, 26 | 4.0 | 3.8 | +0.2 | $25.15/2 | post ↗ | |
| 63 | 61 | Canton, OH | Aug 7, 26 | 2.0 | 2.5 | -0.5 | $48.34/2 | post ↗ | |
| 62 | 60 | Royal Buffet & Grill, 1930 | Akron, OH | Aug 7, 26 | 2.3 | 2.6 | -0.3 | $46.00 | post ↗ |
| 61 | 59 | Twinsburg, OH | Aug 5, 26 | 2.9 | 2.9 | +0.0 | $35.20/2 | post ↗ | |
| 60 | 58 | Cleveland, OH | Aug 4, 26 | 4.0 | 3.2 | +0.8 | $35.62/2 | post ↗ | |
| 59 | 57 | Parma Heights, OH | Aug 3, 26 | 3.0 | 3.5 | -0.5 | $38.84/2 | post ↗ | |
| 58 | 56 | Dragon Buffet, North Court Street | Medina, OH | Aug 2, 26 | 2.8 | 3.4 | -0.6 | $33.63/2 | post ↗ |
| 57 | 55 | China Buffet, 2216 | Ontario, OH | Aug 1, 26 | 2.8 | 3.4 | -0.6 | $34.22/2 | post ↗ |
| 56 | 54 | Hong Kong Buffet, 1561 | Marion, OH | Jul 31, 26 | 2.5 | 3.0 | -0.5 | $31.64/2 | post ↗ |
| 55 | 53 | Tian Fu Buffet, Mill Run Crossing | Delaware, OH | Jul 31, 26 | 2.8 | 3.1 | -0.3 | $32.08/2 | post ↗ |
| 54 | 52 | Marysville, OH | Jul 29, 26 | 2.8 | 3.2 | -0.4 | $22.36/2 | post ↗ | |
| 53 | 51 | China City Buffet, 7104 | Florence, KY | Jul 25, 26 | 3.5 | 3.1 | +0.4 | $37.61/2 | post ↗ |
| 52 | 50 | Plainfield, IN | Jul 24, 26 | 2.2 | 3.1 | -0.9 | $43.73/2 | post ↗ | |
| 51 | 49 | Super China Buffet, 5389 | Indianapolis, IN | Jul 23, 26 | 2.0 | 3.1 | -1.1 | $34.01/2 | post ↗ |
| 50 | 48 | Indianapolis, IN | Jul 22, 26 | 2.7 | 2.7 | +0.0 | $37.57/2 | post ↗ | |
| 49 | 47 | Super China Buffet, 1029 | Indianapolis, IN | Jul 21, 26 | 2.9 | 3.0 | -0.1 | $30.00/2 | post ↗ |
| 48 | 46 | Indianapolis, IN | Jul 20, 26 | 3.2 | 3.8 | -0.6 | $41.40/2 | post ↗ | |
| 47 | 45 | China Buffet, Pheasant Run Drive | Batesville, IN | Jul 19, 26 | 3.8 | 3.6 | +0.2 | $27.80/2 | post ↗ |
| 46 | 44 | Georgetown, KY | Jul 18, 26 | 2.0 | 2.0 | +0.0 | $34.73/2 | post ↗ | |
| 45 | 43 | Lexington, KY | Jul 16, 26 | 3.0 | 3.0 | +0.0 | $35.17/2 | post ↗ | |
| 44 | 42 | Lexington, KY | Jul 16, 26 | 3.5 | 2.9 | +0.6 | $37.07/2 | post ↗ | |
| 43 | 41 | Nicholasville, KY | Jul 14, 26 | 2.7 | 3.0 | -0.3 | — | post ↗ | |
| 42 | 40 | Lexington, KY | Jul 13, 26 | 2.0 | 2.7 | -0.7 | $29.66/2 | post ↗ | |
| 41 | 39 | Dry Ridge, KY | Jul 12, 26 | 5.0 | 4.1 | +0.9 | $36.97/2 | post ↗ | |
| 40 | 38 | Hibachi Buffet, 5372 | Louisville, KY | Jul 11, 26 | 3.0 | 3.7 | -0.7 | $30.71/2 | post ↗ |
| 39 | 37 | Louisville, KY | Jul 9, 26 | 2.8 | 3.4 | -0.6 | $30.71/2 | post ↗ | |
| 38 | 36 | Asian Buffet, St Joe Road | New Albany, IN | Jul 8, 26 | 3.0 | 3.0 | +0.0 | $36.36/2 | post ↗ |
| 37 | 35 | Golden Blossom Buffet, 2760 | Jeffersonville, IN | Jul 7, 26 | 3.7 | 3.7 | +0.0 | $32.08/2 | post ↗ |
| 36 | 34 | Louisville, KY | Jul 6, 26 | 4.0 | 3.3 | +0.7 | $27.54/2 | post ↗ | |
| 35 | 33 | Louisville, KY | Jul 5, 26 | 3.0 | 2.7 | +0.3 | $27.54/2 | post ↗ | |
| 34 | 32 | King Buffet, 3020 | Louisville, KY | Jul 4, 26 | 4.0 | 3.3 | +0.7 | $25.42/2 | post ↗ |
| 33 | 31 | Dayton, OH | Jul 3, 26 | 2.0 | 2.4 | -0.4 | $33.52/2 | post ↗ | |
| 32 | 30 | Dayton, OH | Jul 2, 26 | 2.5 | 3.0 | -0.5 | $40.18/2 | post ↗ | |
| 31 | 29 | Bright Moon Buffet, 2900 | Kettering, OH | Jul 1, 26 | 3.0 | 2.9 | +0.1 | $41.75/2 | post ↗ |
| 30 | 28 | Dayton, OH | Jun 30, 26 | 3.5 | 4.0 | -0.5 | $49.43/2 | post ↗ | |
| 29 | 27 | Miamisburg, OH | Jun 29, 26 | 2.5 | 1.8 | +0.7 | $33.16/2 | post ↗ | |
| 28 | 26 | China Garden Buffet, West Central Avenue | Springboro, OH | Jun 28, 26 | 3.8 | 2.5 | +1.3 | $31.44/2 | post ↗ |
| 27 | 25 | Alexandria, KY | Jun 25, 26 | 1.0 | 3.0 | -2.0 | $34.95/2 | post ↗ | |
| 26 | 24 | Fort Mitchell, KY | Jun 24, 26 | 2.6 | 2.5 | +0.1 | $33.90/2 | post ↗ | |
| 25 | 23 | China Buffet, 3650 | Columbus, OH | Jun 23, 26 | 2.2 | 2.5 | -0.3 | — | post ↗ |
| 24 | 22 | Super Seafood Buffet, East Dublin Granville Road | Columbus, OH | Jun 22, 26 | 2.4 | 2.6 | -0.2 | $35.90/2 | post ↗ |
| 23 | 21 | Columbus, OH | Jun 21, 26 | 2.8 | 3.3 | -0.5 | $37.80/2 | post ↗ | |
| 22 | 20 | The Feast Buffet, 2620 | Columbus, OH | Jun 19, 26 | 3.3 | 3.3 | +0.0 | $36.70/2 | post ↗ |
| 21 | 19 | Supreme Buffet Sushi & Hibachi, 1323 | Columbus, OH | Jun 19, 26 | 2.5 | 2.8 | -0.3 | $28.80/2 | post ↗ |
| 20 | 18 | 3670, Soldano Boulevard | Columbus, OH | Jun 18, 26 | 5.0 | 4.0 | +1.0 | $34.54/2 | post ↗ |
| 19 | — | Columbus, OH | Jun 17, 26 | — | — | — | — | post ↗ | |
| 18 | 17 | West Broad Street, Alton | Columbus, OH | Jun 16, 26 | 3.0 | 3.3 | -0.3 | $23.65/2 | post ↗ |
| 17 | 16 | Washington Court House, OH | Jun 15, 26 | 3.9 | 3.9 | +0.0 | $32.15/2 | post ↗ | |
| 16 | 15 | #1 China Buffet, 1538 | Wilmington, OH | Jun 15, 26 | 3.1 | 3.0 | +0.1 | $35.93/2 | post ↗ |
| 15 | 14 | New China Buffet, Pavilion Parkway | Newport, KY | Jun 12, 26 | 5.0 | 2.9 | +2.1 | $36.75/2 | post ↗ |
| 14 | 13 | Eastgate, OH | Jun 11, 26 | 3.0 | 2.6 | +0.4 | $32.00/2 | post ↗ | |
| 13 | 12 | 7763, Tylersville Road | West Chester, OH | Jun 9, 26 | 3.2 | 3.5 | -0.3 | $35.12/2 | post ↗ |
| 12 | 11 | 560, Nowlin Avenue | Lawrenceburg, IN | Jun 8, 26 | 4.1 | 2.6 | +1.5 | — | post ↗ |
| 11 | 10 | China King Buffet, Elliott Drive | Middletown, OH | Jun 7, 26 | 2.5 | 3.1 | -0.6 | $33.43/2 | post ↗ |
| 10 | 9 | King Buffet, 617 | Beechmont, OH | Jun 6, 26 | 2.7 | 2.4 | +0.3 | $41.00/2 | post ↗ |
| 09 | 8 | Grand Buffet, 6421 | Cincinnati, OH | Jun 6, 26 | 3.0 | 3.0 | +0.0 | — | post ↗ |
| 08 | 7 | Harrison, OH | Jun 5, 26 | 4.0 | 3.1 | +0.9 | — | post ↗ | |
| 07 | — | Cincinnati, OH | Jun 4, 26 | — | — | — | — | post ↗ | |
| 06 | 6 | Asian Buffet, South Gilmore Road | Fairfield, OH | Jun 3, 26 | 2.1 | 2.7 | -0.6 | — | post ↗ |
| 05 | 5 | Bee's Buffet, Nilles Road | Fairfield, OH | Jun 2, 26 | 3.5 | 3.5 | +0.0 | — | post ↗ |
| 04 | 4 | Golden Dragon Buffet & Grill, 86 | Hamilton, OH | Jun 1, 26 | 5.0 | 3.3 | +1.7 | — | post ↗ |
| 03 | 3 | Cincinnati, OH | May 28, 26 | 3.0 | 2.6 | +0.4 | — | post ↗ | |
| 02 | 2 | Forest Park, OH | May 26, 26 | — | 2.8 | — | — | post ↗ | |
| 01 | 1 | Milford, OH | May 20, 26 | — | — | — | — | post ↗ |
“his day” is the number he says in his own opening line, which outranks anything counted from post dates. “paid” is the total he states in the video; a /2 marks the times he said who it covered. names repeat across towns — five different “Asian Buffet”s so far — so each one links to its own spot on the map. stars are normalised to a 5-point scale, since he scores out of 10 some nights. an asterisk marks a score above his own scale — a joke, kept visible but not counted.
the plate that ends it
somewhere out there it sits under a heat lamp, unaware of its role.